Are you going through a difficult season in your life right now? Do you feel as if it will never end? I have been there too, friend. I remember thinking if just one good thing would happen to me today..
Just one thing.
Do you think when we do not fully trust in the Lord that it is sin? I'm not sure I ever looked at it that way before. Until I had to.
It was after my second divorce. A second failed marriage. A single mom again of two boys. Finances were tight to say the least. My second husband was abusive and now on top of everything else I had new fears. I had always had a lot of fears. Fear of failing. Fear of not being accepted. Irrational fears. What if I fail off this balcony? What if my car crashes? What if I am the only one left here when the Lord comes back? What if.... It was paralyzing. I tried to mask it by doing. By trying to be perfect. By trying to please others. By trying to make my own path. By wanting family and others around me so desperately that now I found my self alone. Just me and God.
There was always God. There was always this relationship that I could run to. That I did run to. But there was still fear. At the age of 13 I found myself afraid of the God that I feel in love with at 8. I let my fear grow and grow until I couldn't even look at my bible without trembling. You know that kind of fear that makes you shake and tremble inside? I had stuffed it away for years. I did start reading my bible again by Gods grace but fear was still around; lurking, waiting to show its ugly head.
Now alone in my living room I finally came to a crossroad in my life. Would I keep crumbling and failing and falling in fear and anxiety or would I finally lay EVERYTHING at His feet and trust Him.
1 John 1:9-10 says If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.
Our preacher reminded me of this passage this weekend. It dawned on me that this is what I did those 7 years ago. I confessed (agreed with the Lord that I was wrong) That I had not trusted Him. I trusted me. And you know what?? He was FAITHFUL and JUST to cleanse me and forgive me AND purified me from all unrighteousness. And you know what at that moment
HE HEALED ME OF ALL MY FEARS!!!
Coincidence?? I think not. My unrighteousness was FEAR. In those moments I realized that for years I wanted what I wanted for my life more than I wanted the Lord. I was so wrong. I confessed it and He was so faithful. He has done more than I ever imagined. More than I ever dreamed.
So I ask again.. Is not trusting the Lord sin? I know you are scared to give Him that thing that looms over your aching heart. It's very scary to give it to Him and trust that He knows best. But He truly does, friend.
So my heart has changed in thinking of this for a friend this morning. My heart hurts for my hurting friend. But the Lord gently reminded me to change my prayer for them. Not that their situation would change or that their heart be healed..but that they would just fall in LOVE with the Lord.
What if we prayed to just fall in love with Him? To trust him. To know Him. He is good. He can be trusted. Fall in Love with Him and in doing so you will agree with Him.
So I throw all my cares before You
My doubts and fears don't scare You
You're bigger than I thought You were
You're bigger than I thought
So I stop all negotiations
With the God of all creation
You're bigger than I thought You were
You're bigger than I thought You were, yes
Oh, You're bigger than I thought
You're bigger than I thought you were
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