This I Know

Its been a little over 3 months since I last wrote a post. I usually only write when I feel led too. Since my Aunt died I just haven't really had anything come to mind that was worthy of writing about. I am not depressed.. I don't have writer's block.. I just haven't had anything to put down. Even now I struggle to find words to describe what I am feeling/ going through.   Last week just days after having my thyroid removed I found out that the results are cancerous. This put me right back in the hospital for another surgery to remove the other half which also showed to have cancer in it.  I have a good prognosis so far and will have radioactive iodine in a few weeks. First I will have to try to survive without artificial thyroid hormone or a thyroid for a few weeks. It is good to get my TSH numbers up so that the radioactive iodine will be most effective in killing out all remaining thyroid cells. If you need more info on thyroid cancer and treatments you can check i…
The Lovely

My two year old, Eli, drags me out to the back porch. I do not really want to go. I think of all the excuses, but he wins. He has on his sweet boots and sweat shirt and a baseball cap. He is adorable. I am still in my lounge clothes. A long sweater. Yoga pants. No make up.

Today is a sad day. My dear dear Aunt is dying. She is getting closer to drawing her last breath on this earth. My heart hurts. It is heavy. I wiped tears from her eyes just yesterday. I say thank you to God. I am blessed to have been a part of her life. I am blessed because I know her.
Eli wants to play with bubbles now. I pour them in the bubble machine and watch as a thousand bubbles fill the crisp cloudy air. He is so excited. I am still.    I imagine. Today I have spiritual eyes. There are a thousand souls floating up. She may be one. Floating. Enjoying the space around her. Free from being held down. Perfect. Perfect. God holds these. They are right with Him. Free.

I think about my own death. …
Am I Enough?

  I have hesitated for a few days to write this post only because the more I want to write about this the more I feel I am NOT ENOUGH.  Anyone else feelin' this with me?
 It's a somewhat nagging feeling that raises its ugly head from time to time in me.
I'm I smart enough?
strong enough?
good enough?..etc..etc.
And the more I felt like God placed this on my heart to write about the more I felt 'not enough' to do it. And the more I thought about writing about it..the more I felt like just staying under the covers just a little longer. Hiding away.
This is where the enemy has me. You? He so wants us to feel less than. He so wants us to feel alone. He so wants us to feel not enough!
Girl! You are not alone!

My day consist of seeing my older boys off to classes, husband out the door to work, keeping up with a toddler, laundry, cleaning up, picking up blocks and train pieces again, unloading the dishwasher again.. and loading it back.. did I mention l…

For All the Girls!

I know Valentines is not the happiest for some of you. Honestly, I think we put way too much expectation on the day. On our man or lack there of. Why is this day so hard for most of us?

Lets look at Genesis 3:16 NASB

To the woman He said,“I will greatly multiply
Your pain in childbirth,
In pain you will bring forth children;
Yet your desire will be for your husband,
And he will rule over you.”
In the beginning everything was perfect. God said everything He made was good. One example we see if we back up in scripture a bit in Chapter 2 verse 25, is this "Man and his wife were both naked and not ashamed."  Are you serious? Not ashamed. HA! Well things had to be perfect for they felt NO SHAME. A perfect garden. A perfect man. A perfect woman. A perfect God, who by the way 'walked among them' (Gen. 3:8).  Perfect. That is until the fall.

I encourage you if you are not familiar with what happened in the story of the fall to go back and read Genisis 3.

Lets go back to Chapt…
A Reflection of Glory

Psalm 19:1 The heavens declare the glory of God;

the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

         I am in my back yard this morning. I watching my 1 1/2 year old son playing. He is in and out of his little wading pool. He is having the best time. We have been at this for about 30 minutes. I am ready to go in. I have a list of things going through my mind: laundry to be done, errands to run. I need a shower. I am gently reminded of the book I have been reading. A Million Little Ways byEmily P. Freeman. In it I have been reading how we are created to glorify God in a million little ways. And that everything is created to reveal God's glory. She reminded me to take time and to stop and be aware of life around me. So I sit down on the brick steps and just soak in Gods glory around me.        My son laughs and splashes around. The water droplets make designs on the concrete porch. He picks up sticks and leaves and adds them to his pool. He loves the way the st…
“...In quiet and trust is your strength..” Isaiah 30:15 (NIV)
We have all been there. We have either seen it or we have experienced it first hand. A toddler tantrum. This is my life right now. I tell him “no”. To “wait”. That its “not time to go yet”. He insist that we do whatever he wants right now. He lays in the floor and hits the floor with his little hand. He throws the toy he is holding. He is red in the face and crying loudly wanting me to hear his plea. He thinks in his little 19 month old mind that he knows what's best. I am reminded that this is where my walk with the Lord is most of the time. I pray. I wait. Nothing happens. I began to throw a tantrum in my own way. I get angry. I sulk. I skip my quiet time with God because I can't believe that I haven't gotten the answer yet. Its unbelievable I know. I am a grown woman. But I have to ask myself ...How much have a grown in my relationship with the Lord? This is a good area to measure that growth in. Isaiah 30:15 …
“I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God.”          1 Corinthians 4:3-5 I find these verses very intriguing in the light of what God has been teaching me the last few weeks.  It has been brought to my heart that I have not been seeing myself for who God sees me to be.  Results of that in my life have been low self esteem, seeking approval of others and therefore, judging others and looking on them in the same way I was judging and looking at myself. You see, when we see ourselves as God sees us (if you are a born again believer) then the bible tells us these truths… God sees us as holy , blameless and without blemish. He …