The Lovely
My two year old, Eli, drags me out to the back porch. I do not really want to go. I think of all the excuses, but he wins. He has on his sweet boots and sweat shirt and a baseball cap. He is adorable. I am still in my lounge clothes. A long sweater. Yoga pants. No make up.
Today is a sad day. My dear dear Aunt is dying. She is getting closer to drawing her last breath on this earth. My heart hurts. It is heavy. I wiped tears from her eyes just yesterday. I say thank you to God. I am blessed to have been a part of her life. I am blessed because I know her.
Eli wants to play with bubbles now. I pour them in the bubble machine and watch as a thousand bubbles fill the crisp cloudy air. He is so excited. I am still.
I imagine. Today I have spiritual eyes. There are a thousand souls floating up. She may be one. Floating. Enjoying the space around her. Free from being held down. Perfect.
Perfect. God holds these. They are right with Him. Free.
I think about my own death. She said to me " I can't believe I am really going.." not in a scared way but in a way as to mean.. 'My life is really done.' We will all have that moment. None of us are immune. Some will have time to say goodbye to the ones they love. Some will not. Some have put all they have into things. Some have built relationship's and done the things that will last. I chose the lovely.
In this season I am reminded how powerful the Lord is.
In John chapter 11 we read about a man named Lazarus.
John 11:5 " Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister Mary and Lazarus."
Lazarus was very sick and had died. When Jesus arrives Lazarus had been in the tomb for four days (John 11:17).. Four days.
Read John 11:21-27
21 “Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died. 22 But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.”
23 Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”
24 Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.”
25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; 26 and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”
27 “Yes, Lord,” she replied, “I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.”
Verse 43 Jesus cried out with a loud voice, " Lazarus, Come forth!" 44.. Lazarus came forth.
Lazarus was alive again. Jesus' words are life. He controls both life and death.
Seeing my Aunt lying helpless. Bone thin. Barely breathing or able to talk. So near to her death. I was reminded how awesome the Lord is that He could say to her at any moment. " Come forth!"
She could have gotten right out of that bed. Started eating again. Pain free. Laughing. Strong.
We would have been down on our knees praising the Lord.
Astonished.
He could have. I believe it with my whole heart. Today though He is mighty still. He is choosing for her death. BUT... " Whoever lives by believing in me will never die.." The Lords plans are SO much greater than ours. You see while we grieve.. my Aunt will be rejoicing in heaven.
2 Corinthains 5:6-8
"Therefore, being always of good courage, and knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord— for we walk by faith, not by sight— we are of good courage, I say, and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord"
She will be absent from her body but with the Lord. That is mighty and powerful. We trust the Lord that He knows absolutely the best for all of us. Why the pain? Why the suffering? Why cancer? We do not have all the answers while in our 'earthly tents'. For this reason we cling to what we do know.
The LORD will never leave us of forsake us. He is the Way the TRUTH and the Life and NO man comes unto heaven but by Him.
My son begging me to come jump on the trampoline. I go. I jump. He laughs and plays. 'Momma. Jump. Jump'. We lie on our back and look up.
Still.
We look at all the clouds. There are still bubbles rising into them.
Perfect.
Free.
I smile.
My Aunt wanted it to be this way. She told me lastly to 'Take care of my sweet family'. I am. We all have a responsibility to this life. While it may look different for you and me its all still the same. It is a gift. It is a treasure. Until we float....perfectly into His arms.
In loving honor and memory of my precious Aunt Karen. The Lovely
Absolutely, beautiful! I'm a friend of Karen's. We attended Ouachita together and only reconnected after she was diagnosed with her cancer. I am an 8 yr cancer survivor and lost my husband 3 yrs ago to Stage 4 colon cancer. I spoke to Karen on my vist with her at her sister's home in NLR about hope, life, living and dying. Your words are precious and do resonate the dichotomy of the journey of life-traveling on dual tracks. The highs of playing with your son and the lows of a breaking losing someone you love. Living on earth is so brief but thank God, life transforms to another realm where we will meet again with those we treasure. Thank you for your words!
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