My Little Blonde Girl Journey

Are you going through a difficult season in your life right now?  Do  you feel as if it will never end? I have been there too, friend. I remember thinking if just one good thing would happen to me today..  Just one thing.   Do you think when we do not fully trust in the Lord that it is sin?  I'm not sure I ever looked at it that way before. Until I had to.  It was after my second divorce. A second failed marriage. A single mom again of two boys. Finances were tight to say the least. My second husband was abusive and now on top of everything else I had new fears. I had always had a lot of fears. Fear of failing. Fear of not being accepted. Irrational fears. What if I fail off this balcony? What if my car crashes? What if I am the only one left here when the Lord comes back?  What if.... It was paralyzing. I tried to mask it by doing. By trying to be perfect. By trying to please others. By trying to make my own path. By wanting family and others around me so desperatel

     This week I have been studying in Lysa Terkeurst study Finding I Am. We have been learning in the study about the seven I Am statements of Christ. This week it has been I Am the Gate (John 10:9) and I am the Good Shepherd (John 10:11). Here's what I have learned: Like a shepherd tends his sheep...loving, tender, protector, nurturing...that's the way The Lord tends to us.  Sheep recognize their Shepherds voice and obey it.  The gate is there to allow coming in and going out of the sheep. Keeping them protected inside the fence from their enemies. Nothing can get thru that gate without the shepherd knowing about it...for he sleeps at he gate at night to guard it.  Christ is the Gate. He is always there..protecting us.. on guard for us. He knows our coming in and going out. Psalm 121:8 (NASB) "T he Lord will guard your going out and your coming in From this time forth and forever." You must go thru Him. He is the only Sheep Gate. The only way

Its been a little over 3 months since I last wrote a post. I usually only write when I feel led too. Since my Aunt died I just haven't really had anything come to mind that was worthy of writing about. I am not depressed.. I don't have writer's block.. I just haven't had anything to put down. Even now I struggle to find words to describe what I am feeling/ going through.   Last week just days after having my thyroid removed I found out that the results are cancerous. This put me right back in the hospital for another surgery to remove the other half which also showed to have cancer in it.  I have a good prognosis so far and will have radioactive iodine in a few weeks. First I will have to try to survive without artificial thyroid hormone or a thyroid for a few weeks. It is good to get my TSH numbers up so that the radioactive iodine will be most effective in killing out all remaining thyroid cells. If you need more info on thyroid cancer and treatments you ca

The Lovely My two year old, Eli, drags me out to the back porch. I do not really want to go. I think of all the excuses, but he wins. He has on his sweet boots and sweat shirt and a baseball cap. He is adorable. I am still in my lounge clothes. A long sweater. Yoga pants. No make up. Today is a sad day. My dear dear Aunt is dying. She is getting closer to drawing her last breath on this earth. My heart hurts. It is heavy. I wiped tears from her eyes just yesterday. I say thank you to God. I am blessed to have been a part of her life. I am blessed because I know her. Eli wants to play with bubbles now. I pour them in the bubble machine and watch as a thousand bubbles fill the crisp cloudy air. He is so excited. I am still.    I imagine. Today I have spiritual eyes. There are a thousand souls floating up. She may be one. Floating. Enjoying the space around her. Free from being held down. Perfect. Perfect. God holds these. They are right with Him. Free. I

Am I Enough?   I have hesitated for a few days to write this post only because the more I want to write about this the more I feel I am NOT ENOUGH.  Anyone else feelin' this with me?  It's a somewhat nagging feeling that raises its ugly head from time to time in me. I'm I smart enough? strong enough? good enough?..etc..etc. And the more I felt like God placed this on my heart to write about the more I felt 'not enough' to do it. And the more I thought about writing about it..the more I felt like just staying under the covers just a little longer. Hiding away. This is where the enemy has me. You? He so wants us to feel less than. He so wants us to feel alone. He so wants us to feel not enough! Girl! You are not alone! My day consist of seeing my older boys off to classes, husband out the door to work, keeping up with a toddler, laundry, cleaning up, picking up blocks and train pieces again, unloading the dishwasher again.. and loading it back.. did I menti

I know Valentines is not the happiest for some of you. Honestly, I think we put way too much expectation on the day. On our man or lack there of. Why is this day so hard for most of us? Lets look at Genesis 3:16 NASB   To the woman He said, “I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain you will bring forth children; Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you.” In the beginning everything was perfect. God said everything He made was good. One example we see if we back up in scripture a bit in Chapter 2 verse 25, is this "Man and his wife were both naked and not ashamed."  Are you serious? Not ashamed. HA! Well things had to be perfect for they felt NO SHAME. A perfect garden. A perfect man. A perfect woman. A perfect God, who by the way 'walked among them' (Gen. 3:8).  Perfect. That is until the fall. I encourage you if you are not familiar with what happened in the story of the fall to go back and read Genisis 3. Le